Monday, July 14, 2014
"Walter? Who is he? Oh. These are his 3-month shorts? Then, how do I fit them? I am 7 years old, and I weigh 9.2 lbs. How much is Walter going to weigh? Oh. We will wear the same size? At least I have a new bassinet out of this whole thing. Oh. Walter's bassinet. Well, I still wear the pants in this family."
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
In spite his dutifully good manners and slight sashay, Ishmael knows how to be a feral beast.
Sometimes it is him swiping a neatly tied beef tenderloin ($57) off the counter and then letting the blood drip down his chin as he swings it from side to side.
(I washed the piece he didn't eat and retied it, thank you very much.)
But, more often, he runs around proudly with a piece of "can I have a little to-go bag for my cat?" tuna sashimi hanging out of his mouth or an Ishmael-size portion of the center of Mommy's ribeye.
Twice, however, he's had the joy of hunting and killing a mouse and then playing "keep my [prize] away from Mommy."
1. Hiding the mouse under the ottoman and then sauntering casually away as if nothing's happened.
2. Maniacally throwing the mouse into the air and then swinging his arm like a bat about 5 times in a row.
3. Attacking Mommy like a wildebeest with no recognition of the parental-cat bond in hopes of keeping the [prize] for a little bit longer.
|Wait, what? There is a mouse by my bottom?|
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Tuesdays get to be too much for Ishamel.
It's chore day,
and his responsibilities range from
composing and performing six sad songs,
to nibbling the orchid buds,
to taste-testing the butter.
Later, he'll trade one of the sad songs for a damp washcloth and a blowout.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
1. Come in; I sit on your lap.
2. You will not lock me out. This is my time.
3. If you don't let me sit on your lap, I practice my spins and twirls at your feet while I sing my sad sad songs.
4. If you hush me or refuse to pet me, I make toilet paper confetti.
5. I help you pet me by grabbing your hands with my hands.
6. Before you leave, please put me on the scale. My ideal weight is 9.2 pounds.
7. I drink out of the toilet on occasion, but you are not to observe me. It's the "found water" concept, and you need to respect the hunt.